I went back to the oh-so-familiar place which doesn't seem to be familiar anymore. I saw the oh-so-familiar people who doesn't seem so familiar afterall. In a slip of the tongue, I blurted out to one of the supposedly familiar people.. "why does he seem so familiar yet so foreign to me now?" It was a question that was meant to be an understatement.

I walked along the same old streets that accompanied me through those good and rough times, mainly rough times of course. So why did my mind tell me I was supposed to feel nostalgic and rejuvenated but my heart felt nothing? I looked in through the fence while walking to the gate, I saw a very beautiful place which suppose to hold alot of memories. Sadly, nothing appeared in my mind at all. Turning to my besty, I admitted, "this is a beautiful place, but I was never happy in it."


***

There was only one reason I went back for.

***

Then we saw bits of the fireworks. In the cool crisp night breeze, my heavy head fell comfortably on my besty. The fireworks crackled. The sky lit up with streaks of fireworks, crisscrossed and those opening up like a flower. I didn't know why, but I felt a sudden sadness gripping my heart tight. As each fireworks start to display more magic than the previous, the intensity of sadness in me grew stronger and stronger. The magic was not working right.

***

Afterwards, he turned and look at me, three long glances. I wanted to know how was he doing, but I was as prideful as usual. Seeing him, I see all the good times once more. Everything is still in my memory. I wondered if he remembered them at all. He was still like a kid. He was still too ego to speak. According to my besty, he was never a good catch. Yet, he is still the only one who ever made me happy by playing with me my fav sport whenever I requested. At least, being the little boy he was, he was able to make me smile from my heart.

Aside from that, I didn't have much chances to catch up with one of the most important person in my life. I have so much to tell but I seem to be tongue tied and lost whenever I try to get everything out. Whenever one of the most important person in my life look at me and wait for me to speak, I can't seem to say anything right. I feel lost. I need more time to be more orientated.

***



It has been a long time.

I need some magic to make my life right again.























It has been a long time since anything felt right at all.

Ever since I was young, I was forced to face everything alone. By default of my growing up conditions, I've learnt that I can only depend on myself. My family made me see that only I can solve my own problems and I was also obliged to solve theirs'.

Growing up, I was further instilled into the fact that I can only depend on myself. At my weakest moments, my friends couldn't be there. I tried to lean on anyone/anything, and everything just collapsed. It was painful, but somehow, I managed to survive.

Now, everything was again prevailing the same fact that I've been forced to acknowledge. The same fact that for now and perhaps forever, I'll only have myself, that I can only depend on myself in facing any kinda adversity.

The level of self-sufficient I must acheive, just gets higher as I grow older. Soon to be, I might just become an individual with strong faith in myself and no one else. I don't want things this way. Things aren't supposed to be this way. I guess I wish there will be some miracles in future days ahead.

I feel very upset. Sincerely upset that I just broke down. Why is it wrong to ever try and be a nice person? Why is it wrong to do things with my heart? Why must I be hurt? Time and again. Why do people still expect me to not protect myself and expose myself in danger of getting hurt again. This is so unfair. I feel so tired. Why is everything so cocked up? Why?

In the 21st century, the good is treated as evil and vice versa. What is this? What is this? I dunno why can't we just be ourselves and treat others with all our hearts. What is this?

I'm very very upset. I'll just keep crying until one day I've got no more tears.






Sometimes, I wish they would regret. I wanna be vindicated still.

Been really busy these days. Getting into the momentum of real work like finally.

I can't help but wonder why is it that trying to share some stuffs and trying a bit of honesty make me lose an online friend. It was some misunderstandings that made me lose a very very respectable online friend. It just adds on to my list of regrets tho this is a small one.

Feeling rather blue. I can't tell if this is all the side effects of going into full swing of work for a week. My negative side surfaces and I can't turn away this time.

Next week results are coming back. Tho I'm always quite numb towards them, certain stuffs can still make me whine. Playing bball was great. Just wished I had a pro with me. My standards have dropped tremendouly. Felt like killing myself. But at least I felt great just like how it always makes me feel.

***

Certain people around us always have sudden weird reactions that make us wonder what were they trying to do? This is especially so when they are people in your life whom you see all the time but seldom talks to. They are like familiar passer-bys but connected in the sense that you are still somehow related to them. When the blue moon comes and some weird stuffs come outta their mouths when talking to you.. you will start to wonder... Should I take their jokes as jokes? Or they meant more? Or it was just one of those times of their crazy sides surfacing?

Those sudden dynamic moments give rise to a weird sense of pleasantness, almost as close as bliss. Nice feelings don't come easily, thus it makes one think. Yet, pondering too much just makes the special moments no longer as glorious and it they will just eventually lose their attractions.

In the end, the best thing to do is to keep these nice little memories from those little people in your life whom you will still see and inevitably smile inside.

Try To Remember- Brothers Four

Try to remember the kind of Septemberwhen life was slow and oh, so mellow.
Try to remember the kind of Septemberwhen grass was green and grain was yellow.
Try to remember the kind of Septemberwhen you were a tender and callow fellow,
Try to remember and if you remember then follow.

Try to remember when life was so tenderthat no one wept except the willow.
Try to remember when life was so tender thatdreams were kept beside your pillow.
Try to remember when life was so tender thatlove was an ember about to billow.
Try to remember and if you remember then follow.

Deep in December it's nice to remember
Although you know the snow will follow.
Deep in December it's nice to rememberwithout the hurt the heart is hollow.
Deep in December it's nice to rememberthe fire of September that made us mellow.
Deep in December our hearts should remember and follow.

***

This song's very sweet. I remember from the movie starring Leon Lai and Shuqi.

World Cup finals coming!!! So excited!!! Go Azzurri!!!!!!!! =) I love Totti!!! Did I mention that? Hehez.. I admire Zidane. He's so steady!

Anyways exams over. Hah. Worst of my lifetime I feel that. What to do? Just work hard for what that matters...

=)